Grey Goose Blog

Posts Tagged ‘fun’

Annoying people make rules for everything, so it becomes boring to live and work. Even to work in the restaurant where everything moves and screams: sounds of broken plates mix up with salsa music in the kitchen, a crazy 8-year old yelling and running around the dining room on the mission to knock the waiter off his feet. EXCUSE ME. All I am trying to do is to deliver this oven-hot mac-n-cheese without dropping it on somebody’s face…
A waiter newbie might have proudly learned to follow a six o’clock rule* while serving a New York Steak from the right. It is all good.  Tons of useful information could be found on sites offering waiter training tips and manuals. However, you will never become a pro if you don’t break the rules depending on situation. Sometimes there’s no rules – only experience and your sense of urgency are the best weapons.  So imagine yourself in a waiter’s shoes… What would you do?

1. You have a psychotic couple that keeps fighting throughout the dinner. A husband wants another drink and his wife promises to chop my head off if I bring him one… This is an easy one, actually. If the guy is not wasted, I will make my judgement based on who was more respectful towards me. But c’mon, people… Do you really hate each other so much that you fight even in the restaurants!? By the way, the worst way to break up is to take your ex-soul mate to expensive restaurant and to get him or her crying… It happens so often.

2. One person orders a dessert and implies that he wants to eat it on his/her own. Sometimes a guest would even say: “I am not sharing!”  Do you bring extra spoons and forks for the others in the group who didn’t order anything? This is a tough one. Common sense tells me to ALWAYS bring extra utensils, however, there’s a chance of you becoming a public enemy in the eyes of the person who ordered dessert.  It is even worse if that particular guest is paying the bill. Yes, humans are greedy.

3. Ever had people ready to kill each other for over who’s paying the bill? I have 3 solutions for this … 1) If guests are polite and sincerely want to take care of each other I offer them to split it on two cards 2) If they keep arguing loudly and not paying attention to me, I just take the first card I can get my hands on and CHARGE it  3) To pull this off you need a well-established rapport with your guests. It works better on younger crowds. You should interrupt them with a smile and say: “Let’s gamble a bit! Give me your credit cards and I will randomly choose one of them and charge the whole thing on it.” It makes it a game, it makes it fun! When you announce a “lucky winner” and present him or her with a credit card authorization you’re almost guaranteed to get a better tip.

I am curious to hear your reactions whether you’re in the restaurant business or not.

The purpose of this post is not to piss you off,  but to bring up situations that don’t happen too often and require critical decision making. Every single restaurant has its own silly rules.  My advice is to know when it is ok to break them. It doesn’t mean that you need to be a rebel and fight with your floor manager every time. It is impossible to make everyone happy and sometimes all we can do is our best; still we should always look for opportunity to better ourselves even in critical situations. Respect your guests and co-workers and be likable. If you master combination of this important skills your job won’t be stressful anymore! More on that in my next post.

* According to this rule proteins should be always served facing the guest.

Sometimes it feels like a war, them against us. Imagine  -  Saturday night and a waitlist;  horde of angry customers demanding food and satisfaction. It is one of those days when half of the staff called in sick , plus you have the worst busser who “doesn’t get it” after a month of training.

How to  save precious time at the table? How to spread out your attention equally, so nobody gets left out besides assholes who deserve it? I found the following script or “canned presentation” extremely useful when you physically and mentally cannot spend sufficient amount of time at the table.

1. If you cannot get to table right away, simply pass by, smile – eye contact- and say “I will be right with you”.

2. Approach the table. Smile, but look determined.

Me (M)  -  How are you today?

Guest (G)  – Good. (They will most likely : “how are you?”)

M – Wonderful. Can I start you off with a cocktail or glass of wine? We have a full bar.

(This line is great, because you are pushing alcohol and giving them information of the bet. It prevents stupid questions like “What do you have?” They order or tell you that they need more time to look over the wine list. If they do so, it means they are not in such a rush. If they order drinks right away – offer two signature appetizers to choose from)

3. Come back with drinks and ask them if they have any questions about the menu. You want to have control over the time when you can answer questions, you definitely don’t want to be stopped in the middle of rush to explain the special or elaborate on vegetarian options. If somebody snaps at you or raises a hand to get your attention, NEVER stop at this table before you are done with your previous task. Otherwise, your will loose your focus and the mistakes will follow.

4. Always have two dishes to recommend and make sure that the way you describe them sells. E.g.

Bad: Mahi Mahi is really good today. It is served with rice and vegetables.

Good: Our pan seared Mahi Mahi is SOO delicious. It is topped with a homemade orange buerre blanc and served on the bed of wild rice pilaf and fresh garden mixed vegetables. (pause) Will be perfect with your glass of Chardannay.

5. If a customer is indecisive and stares at the menu for more than 20 sec without saying a word, don’t be afraid to tell in a friendly manner : “Let me give you a couple of more minutes to make your choice”, then move on to another table

6. Learn to say NO. Some special requests are easy, some difficult and some impossible. Know exactly what kitchen can and what it cannot do, especially when it is slammed.

7. Use your floor manager to help present and open wine or entertain guests while you’re in the weeds. That’s what he’s getting paid for, not for standing around.. lazy ass

8. Offer desserts, but have you check ready. People rarely order dessert during a rush hour. The best way to ruin a perfect dining experience is to drop off dessert menu and forget about the table for 15 minutes, when all they want is a check. This often results in at least 5% lower tip from my experience.

Finally, remember, no matter what you do always keep your cool. If you dropped a plate in the middle of dining area or spilled a glass of red wine close to the most scandalous person in the restaurant, apologize first, but then make it clear that it is not a big deal. Shit happens. If you start kissing your customer feet saying how sorry you are, they will take full advantage of this situation and will ask to comp their dinner. Avoid this trap!

Sometimes you just simply cannot handle it and its nobody’s fault. If it comes to this point, you just do your best, but hopefully this little secrets will help decrease crazy moments at work. Waiter doesn’t have to make a list of the most stressful jobs. It is lots of FUN…Really!

It is so easy to make your waiter fall in love with you, but many prefer otherwise. This guide, although incomplete, will partially transform ignorant guests to somewhat nice ones.

1. When your waiter comes over and greets you, smile at him/her and say: “Hi”. Simple as that. Do not overdo with friendliness, no crazy smiles. You will be surprised to find out how many guests just ignore you or give you a brainless look. Some of them are so scared to dine in the restaurant, so they prefer not to look at the waiter at all.
2. Do not ask stupid questions such as: “What do you have?” “Do you have steak?” etc., or questions that make you look cheap:  “How much is the beer?” “Do you serve free bread?” “Does it come with soup and salad?” Not only these questions diminish your value as a respectable customer and human being, but they also take time to answer. Remember, for the restaurant business workers time is everything. This leads us to
3. Try to save time for your server. Besides unnecessary questions, this rule applies to indecisive guests, who take more than 15 minutes to order. If you’re one of those, please, let you server know that you would like to take your time and preferable enjoy a cocktail rather than a glass of tap water.
4. Do not create your own menu.  You might like you baked potato sprinkled with bacon and cheddar , but if that’s not an option in the menu, please, avoid modifying. Of course, some substitutions could be easy and if it is not a rush hour, you waiter will be more than happy to switch some side dishes or add mushrooms on your filet mignon. But keep in mind that it takes additional time and requires an extra effort.
5. Keep your table neat and don’t eat like a pig. The worst customers are those who ask for bread before they order and shake over breadcrumbs all over the menus. The best are the ones who move aside dirty plates and silverware to make it easier for a waiter or busser to remove them.
6. Try not to get too personal with your waiter -this one, of course, goes both ways. If you can’t suppress you urge to ask for your waiter’s name and where is he from, do it in a friendly manner, but never to yell his name every time he’s passing by.

“WE KNOW THE ASSHOLE WHEN WE SEE ONE”

As a bonus here’s one of my favorite videos from You Tube’s waiter celebrity YourDailyTip.

1.       “Hi there…(big smile). We just had a huge lunch and we are here only for dessert… Can we get some bread and butter to start with?”

2.       “Nothing to drink. Only some water with lemons…and sweet’n’low.”

3.       As soon as you sit down at the table start waving and snapping at your waiter.

4.       A waiter comes over, greets you and introduces himself. You don’t notice and keep carrying out a conversation in a foreign language.

5.       A waiter comes over, greets you and introduces himself. You: “What’s up!!??”

6.       While he’s taking your drink order: “Do you have that cocktail that is kind of green… and has a pineapple juice in it? I forgot the name, but ask the bartender he should know.”

7.       While he’s taking your drink order “I’m not a wine kind of guy. What is the cheapest that you have?”

8.       Tell a waiter that you’re ready to order. Then blank stare at the menu for a minute and ask him “So…What is good?”

9.       Ask your waiter to describe a special of the day. Then ask what he recommends. Pause for a few seconds (you face should express deep and intense thought), then say: “You know what, I’ll just have a burger with fries.”

10.   The first thing you tell to your waiter: “I have to let you know that I don’t believe in tipping”